Written by: Habibullah Asad
Days over days, nights after nights,
Questions over questions, what answer should I seek?
The one that eases my restless mind? Or the one that serves as an excuse of my incompetence?
The answer I should seek within the holy book, or the question that makes me question my belief?
Would I ever know why I’m here? Would I ever know me; the real me?
Or would this war between who I am and who I’m supposed to be will continue forever?
Or whichever wins, would it be enough to extinguish the blazing flames of who I want to be?
Would I ever know me? Or would I forever live known but unknown? Loved but alone? above all, would I know the answer before it’s too late and I’m gone?
I find myself asking this question every night, who is asking these questions and to whom?
What’s this thing inside me that’s controlling me? Is that me, the real me or is it merely flesh and bones taking orders? Is that me?
Would I ever be in my right mind? Or would I always let the sacred plant decipher reality?
I’m afraid, the answer is too far to approach, too blunt to swallow and above all, too dark to reach. Oh my lord, I know of all the demons of dark that reside there especially the demons that lure you into their affection.
The ones with pearly teeth, glazing eyes, a smile brighter than a 1000 suns, eyes infinite as space. Oh Lord I admit they the finest of them all.
And as I pen down my lust for self-existence, I ask again, Who am I?
Would I ever know, would I ever know?